Overcoming the Comparison Trap

“A heart filled with gratitude leaves no room for discontentment.”

Rachel Cruze

Do you feel like you’ll never get ahead? Do you strive to achieve the things society tells you you should have, only to chase the next best thing once you have it? The bigger house, the luxury car, the perfect marriage, the flawless body…

This is something I’ve been ruminating lately. Throughout life’s seasons of ups and downs, I’m often tossed back and forth between comfort and dissatisfaction. When life is smooth-sailing, I’m content, joyful, and just plain easy to be around. But the minute life knocks me down, my first reaction is to grumble and complain. Just like the Israelites wandering around in the dessert. God had provided everything they needed on the journey to the Promised Land, but they only compared their current situation to what they had in Egypt. They didn’t see their situation as temporary. There are many times I catch myself complaining about my current situation. How easily I fall victim to FOMO (fear of missing out). Chasing down temporary happiness, I scroll mindlessly through social media or click add to cart on Amazon. Happiness will never be found in stuff. Once the newness wears off, I’m left feeling dissatisfied again. Joy will never be found in comparing myself with somebody else. I either esteem myself as better than, or I presume I’m not good enough. Teddy Roosevelt said it best about comparison when he said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Before Teddy spoke these remarkable words, the Bible was (and still is) the standard for how we should live and appreciate what we have instead of comparing ourselves to others. Whenever I feel discontent, I go straight to the Source to align my thinking with His.

Not that I speak from [any personal] need, for I have learned to be content [and self-sufficient through Christ, satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or uneasy] regardless of my circumstances. I know how to get along and live humbly [in difficult times], and I also know how to enjoy abundance and live in prosperity. In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret [of facing life], whether well-fed or going hungry, whether having an abundance or being in need. I can do all things [which He has called me to do] through Him who strengthens and empowers me [to fulfill His purpose—I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency; I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses me with inner strength and confident peace.] 

Philippians 4:11-13

In this well-known passage of scripture, Paul drives home the best advantage against comparison. What he states proves that finding peace is possible. Freedom from comparison and finding contentment in whatever situation we’re in is because we are in relationship with God. I should have learned by now that contentment comes from within instead of from something money can buy. This is an ongoing process; I’m human and my natural tendency is to complain or compare myself to others. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I can face any circumstance with joy.

It’s easy to get caught up in the comparison trap because social media gives us a window into someone else’s highlight reel. And that’s all it is, a highlight reel. Nobody posts pictures depicting the mundane or shares the worst that’s going on in their lives. (Well, some people do complain about everything. We call those people “Karens”.) Everybody puts their best foot forward on social media. When we mindlessly scroll, we are inundated with stories and posts of what others have, and we lose sight of how blessed we already are. As an emerging blogger, I’ve never felt more off-base than I have lately. I see the perfectly curated pictures or the magazine worthy homes, and I feel like I don’t measure up in my fixer-upper. I remind myself, however, that material possessions do not define us. Our Creator defines us. Our character is who we are no matter the circumstances. This is what Paul means by learning the secret of living in need or in prosperity. It’s all about our attitude. Mindset can be the biggest hurdle when it comes to keeping comparison at bay. By renewing our mind with God’s Word, we shift from our old ways of thinking to a new mindset.

Here are some tips of how to overcome the comparison trap:

1. Practice gratitude every day. Keep a list of things you’re thankful for and read it often. I started doing this during our debt payoff journey. I have a gratitude list on my phone’s Notes app and several journals dated from 2018 where I’ve jotted down what I’m thankful for every day. I love to go back and read it; I’m reminded of God’s faithfulness and provision over my life. Reflecting on the good things in life keeps me from feeling like I’m missing out. If my heart is not in a state of gratitude, I become discontent and lose focus on what matters most. Being thankful for each gift God gives us keeps our perspective on eternity instead of on the minute problems of this world.
2. Take your fear and anxiety to God. All of us are fighting fear these days. When we entertain thoughts of fear, it’s hard to make sound decisions. The Fear of Missing Out is what drives us to spend money we don’t have. FOMO is usually aroused by social media in the form of comparing ourselves to others. We need to understand that God cares deeply about what’s bothering us. He’s not “holding out” on us just because we don’t have what somebody else has. We can learn to “rejoice with those who rejoice” (Romans 12:15). When we are feeling anxious, we are directed to pray Him. Philippians 4:6 says, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.” (New Living Translation).
3. Rest in God’s provision. Remind yourself that the people you are comparing yourself to are in need of God’s grace just as much as you are. They are human, and struggle with comparison in some area that we may not know about. Their house may look perfect on the outside, but the foundation could be built on sinking sand. The same practice can be applied to your own struggles. Remind yourself that even if you had the best in life, you wouldn’t be content or feel accepted without the unconditional love of Jesus. As Dave Ramsey, financial guru, says at the end of each radio segment:

“Remember, there’s ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that’s to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus.”

The bait Satan uses to divide us against each other is the comparison trap, but it doesn’t have to be a constant battle. We can guard ourselves against it through the power of the Holy Spirit and renewing our mind with His Word. The Bible is full of heroes of the faith who faced comparison traps of their own yet chose to follow God’s will. We can choose to do the same and walk in His will rather than seek our own. Comparison may have stolen your joy in the past, but it no longer has the power to destroy your present peace.